Commentary ideas

One thing I have witnessed since I have been on campus is the parking situation. It is very tought to find a parking space at this university. I think I spend more time looking for a space than it does to get to where I want to park.

Another thing I have encountered on campus is the groups of student organizations. It seems every time I walk out of the student union I am getting asked to sign a form, go to a meeting, or even to buy something.

Also, something I can't get away from on campus is the skateboarders and bikers. Every time I walk to class I have to dodge all of the longboarders that are riding around. I also have to dodge all of the people on bicycles that come speeding by acting like they own the sidewalk.

final draft-memoir

Have you ever enjoyed doing something so much that you wanted to do it all the time. Baseball was that thing for me. I played baseball with a passion for the game. From the time I started playing, I knew that my main goal was to play high school ball for the Lake Brantley Patriots. Lake Brantley is a school with rich baseball tradition. With multiple state titles and major league players, this school was where I wanted to go to be able to play at the next level. But, little did I know those dreams would be crushed or at least postponed until a later date. I tried out for the freshman baseball team and did not make it.

I can still remember the first time I ever set foot on the Lake Brantley baseball field. I was kind of intimidated because I had never been on a field so big before. I was there for a baseball camp to help better my game. I was ten years old at the time. I looked out and saw on the wall the two state titles, the 4 final fours, and the six major league baseball players listed on the wall beyond left field. Another thing that was kind of intimidating was the big scoreboard out over the center field wall. I had only seen scoreboards this big at major league stadiums. I thought to myself that this place is where I need to go to become the best.

There was nothing more I wanted than to make this baseball team. I don’t know if I was more excited about the tryout or more nervous. All I know, I just wanted to make this team so badly. When we got to the field we had to sit and wait for the varsity team to finish their tryout. I could just picture myself being there one day. As soon as the varsity tryout session finished for the day we took the field.

Everyone that was trying out all stretched and warmed up together. I knew everyone I was competing against in this tryout. I had been playing baseball with them since I started as a child. There are 18 guys trying out and only room for 15.

So we all gathered in a circle and stretch together. Coach Siepneski is a conditioning fanatic, so we all had to do laps around the field for ten minutes as our warm up. I was not a huge fan of running, especially long distances. It seemed like I was trying out for the cross country team. After our warm up we started the tryout with a 60 yard dash. I had a decent time, but thought I could have run faster. Next, we all took infield. I started out at third base and took ground balls. We took turns at each base and doing drills for different situations. I thought I was one of the best fielders from what I saw in the drill. Even the assistant coach, Coach Manning, told me I did well.

Then we all took outfield. Playing the outfield is my specialty, so I was very confident that I would be the best one out there. I started the drill in left, the position I am most comfortable. The coaches drilled us on different situations with base runners and numbers of outs. The only thing I was worried about was my batting, but we would see how that would go on the second day of tryouts.

On the second day, my friend Sean and I got to the field a little early and had a conversation on who we thought would be the first one cut. Sean said,” I think we all know who the first one gone is.” “Yea, everyone knows Ricky will definitely be the first one cut”, I replied. He continues,” He’s fat, slow, and can’t throw very well.” “Also he couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat,” I joked about his hitting ability.

When the second night of the tryout started we all warmed up and ran together, except we had to bat right after. I wasn’t a very consistent batter but I had my moments. Instead of showing us live pitching, they made us hit off of a pitching machine. We all got ten pitches to hit. I hit eight of the ten, and five of them were hit into the deep outfield. The other two I hit hard ground balls to third base. I was definitely in the top five hitters of the tryout. After hitting, we did some more defensive drills and then time for the final cuts.

After we all got done with the drills for the second night of tryouts, it was time for the final cuts. Siepneski was not a fan of posting a final roster on a door; he was more into speaking face to face and telling the player how they did and what they needed to improve on for next year. All 18 of us were circled up in right field, next to the visitor’s bull pen. Coach stood about 40 feet away with a clipboard containing the names of his final roster and the list of the three players he had to get rid of that night. We the heard him speak up,” It’s time to drop it down to 15, if I call your name please come and see me.” The first name he called was a friend of mine named Josh Bryan. Josh’s dad had coached the fall team so I thought for sure he would make it. Then, I heard him say,” Sean…Wilcox.” There was a slight pause between the first name and last name and my heart sank, but was relieved when I heard him say my friend’s last name. There was one more player to be cut. I thought to myself I was home free, I had made it. Then I heard it,” Sean McKeever.” My heart sank into my stomach. I could not believe I had just heard my name. I walked over to him, looked him in the eye, and waited for him to speak. He told me that I was a good ball player but I needed to work on my speed and arm strength. I was devastated.

The next day I thought the night before was just a dream. I didn’t want to face any of my friends or the coach himself. But, in the end I believe that getting cut from this baseball team was the best thing that could have happened to me. Even though I was cut from that team, I still went to all the home games and supported the team and my friends. Also, that night made me try different things. I played more sports throughout high school than I had my whole life. I then began playing football, bowling, and throwing for the track team. In addition, I focused more on my school work. I have always been an A/B student, but from then on I tried harder in my school work and got my grades to mostly As. So, the night that I did not make my 9th grade baseball team, is the day that my life changed and I grew into a better person, a better student, and a better friend.

memo

TO: Ms. Moody
FROM: Sean McKeever
DATE: September 17, 2009
SUBJECT: Peer Review

The peer review done in class made me think a little more about how I will write my memoir. I am going to use the advice given by my classmate to better my writing. On all the points and questions that received a good review, I will leave alone. One suggestion was to make the main point more noticeable in the story. I will make sure to put the main point either with the introduction or somewhere soon after.

I can add more visuals on the events leading up to my tryout, or even the tryout itself. Also, I will describe visuals on the reaction of myself and my family. The whole outcome of the event is significant, but I will describe the smaller details as to why it is and the events that took place after the tryout. I will put in dialogues of my coaches, friends, and family throughout the tryout process. Some of the things I was told played a key role in how this changed me. Also, I will add the characters and personalities of the people that were directly involved with this event.

Aside from all of the things I mentioned, I need to work on much more. In past essays and writings I have never been one to elaborate or give a lot of details. In this memoir, I plan to use more details and ideas to help paint a better picture for the reader. Also I want the reader to feel how I felt and think how I thought during this event.

Intro

Have you ever enjoyed doing something so much that you wanted to do it all the time. Baseball was that thing for me. I played baseball with a passion for the game. From the time I started playing, I knew that my main goal was to play high school ball for the Lake Brantley Patriots. Lake Brantley is a school with rich baseball tradition. With multiple state titles and major league players, this school was where I wanted to go to be able to play at the next level. But, little did I know those dreams would be crushed or at least postponed until a later date. I tried out for the freshman baseball team and did not make it.
I can still remember the first time I ever step foot on the Lake Brantley baseball field. I was kind of intimidated because I had never been on a field so big before. I was there for a baseball camp to help better my game. I was ten years old at the time. I looked out and saw on the wall the two state titles, the 4 final fours, and the six major league baseball players listed on the wall beyond left field. Another thing that was kind of intimidating was the big scoreboard out over the center field wall. I had only seen scoreboards this big at major league stadiums. I thought to myself that this place is where I need to go to become the best.

invention process

One event that changed me as younger teen was my introduction into the world of manual labor. I spent a summer when I was 13 doing nothing but hard work in the sun. I had to do landscaping, painting, etc. This changed me because I then realized that I did not want to do that for the rest of my life. Because of that summer, I decided that I wanted to stay in school and get a job doing something other than doing hard work in the hot sun all day.

Another event or series of events that helped me become who I am today was that start of my passion for sports. When I was younger I played little league baseball and pop warner football. I started playing at a young age and these two sports helped me learn to be part of a team and taught me hard work.

An event that also changed me was the death of my uncle. I use to go over there every day and see him. We were really close. When he died I realized not to take any relationship or bond with a family member for granted because it will not always be there. I learned to cherish things while I still have them.